THE SECRET DIARY OF EDITOR #78

(Note: The author of this diary is not an editor, but she assures me she has researched the facts thoroughly.)

Day 1:

Drank coffee. Put feet up on desk. Surfed web. Counted pile of envelopes on desk. Ten stories to look at this week. Will do tomorrow. Plan to spend afternoon shopping at Saks.

Day 2:

Opened ten envelopes. Read first two stories. Pretty dumb. Sent authors form rejections. Chatted on phone with chums overseas. Love expense accounts.

Day 3:

Third story from Big Name Pro. Not very good, but can't say that. Really, would think even some nameless newbie could come up with better idea. Going to movies this afternoon, then shopping again.

Day 4:

Rejected next six stories. Only one left. Whew, exhausting day! Need to leave early and have three martini lunch with editor chums at expensive restaurant. On company dime, of course. Editing has lots of perks.

Day 5:

Read last story. Holy Moley, Batman! Newbie writer did indeed come up with better idea than Big Name Pro. Innovative fantasy: elf, dwarf, wizard, scantily-clad sorceress, barbarian, and assassin with pointy ta-ta's go on quest to slay Dark Lord! Must buy story.

Day 6:

Realized buying cool fantasy story means rejecting Big Name Pro. Cannot do that. But must. Cannot. Must. Oh, woe. Cannot decide. Will procrastinate and go shopping at Saks for new dress. Got paid today, and can easily afford whole new wardrobe.

Day 7:

New dress looks great in plush editor's office. Hope someone stops in to admire. Am looking too fine today to do any work, so will take things easy.

Day 8:

Have reluctantly made decision. Must buy Big Name Pro story. Reject fabulous new author's story. Should include letter of explanation but do not want to get sued, so just sending form rejection. Feel like criminal. Will probably take afternoon off and go shopping to expunge feelings of guilt and remorse.