THE SECRET DIARY OF CLUELESS NEWBIE #699

Day 1:

Decided today, that I should, become a writer. Besides I; thought. How hard can it be? You just sit down in front, of the computer and, type. Look at all those best-sellers out there. I bet guys like John Griswald and that Stefan King have it easy. Just pound out a couple, tons of words and send it, off to the publshers and there you go. Instant mega-bucks!

Day 10:

Type type type type. Im really rocking now. I just know that some publsher somewhere is going to give me a lot of money for this baby. I put in lots of kids so the kids will like it and I made it have lots of suspense, along with fear and anxiety. When I showed the first chapter to my wife she said she liked it and so did the mailman who said he, couldn't put it down. I even showed it to the dog and he liked, it. He ate it right up! The only person who didn't was some dude who tried to tell me that publshing wasn't as easy as it looked and those editors would want me to have all the words, spelled rihgt. I think he's just jealous so I kicked him out of my house and wouldn't let him read anymore. In fact, I think he might want to STEAL my wonderful book so I bought a big dog to keep him away. I know he doenst know anything about publshing because I also showed my novel to a english teacher they said it made sense in a reality way!

Day 287:

Type type type type. Type type type type. I only have a couple more pages to go before I finish this chapter. I have to omit that its been alot harder than I thought and theirs always someone who is telling me I cant sell, my book. This morning I got so depressed thinking they might be rihgt. I mean think about, it. If I was someone like Steven Qing I could write anything at all and people would buy it but Im just an ordinary joe. But then I saw something on tv that gave me a really cool idea. See Oprah was interviewed and emitted that she had bought books off first time writers just like me! So heres what Im going, to do. Im going to put this book on eBay. Big-time authors only! They can buy it and put there name on it and everyone will read it because these authors are famous. I dont even have to finish the book because Im sure thay'll want to write a few words. That way if anyone asks they wont have to, lie about weather they wrote the book. As soon as I finish this chapter Ill write a cool add, for the book and take some pictures. I bet in five minutes those authors will start bidding and I can rake in the doe. Its a cinch!

Day 293:

Five days and no one bid on my cool book. The only thing that's, happened is that a bunch of morons starting emaling, me and trying to tell me my cool idea woodn't work. Yeah like they no all abut publshing. Why should I listen to them? They haven't even scene my book and their busy telling me what a bad writter I am. How can they know, huh? Do they have ESP??? COME ON PEOPLE. DON'T TELL ME I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT PUBLSHING. I knough lots about publshing and if this auction doesn't work I can just have another one and another one and another one until someone buys my book.

Day 295:

Well no one bought my book but just like I said I put up another auction and I even, LOWERED the price but still no one made a bid and Im so depressed the doctor says I have a rare condition called the annerice disease and that makes it impossible for me to use the return key AND SOMETIMES I YELL A LOT AND I DONT KNOW WHY so he tolled me I should, give up on writting at least until I feel better and he said something more but it was hard to hear with all the voices in my head shouting Hah! Hah! Hah! Hah! Hah! Hah! Hah! Hah! Hah! Hah! Hah! Hah! Hah! Hah! Hah! Hah! Hah! Hah! Hah! Hah!

Day 301:

Scrw ths. m jst gng t, bld cmptrs nstd.