THE SECRET DIARY OF CLUELESS NEWBIE #43

Day 1:

Finished novel. Utterly fabulous. Sure to earn millions.

Day 2:

Handed in resignation to stupid day job boss and spend day looking at Ferraris. Red is nice. Might do novel manuscript in red also. With ZapfChancery font.

Day 3:

Called Big Publishing House. Stupid pervy editor refused to take call. Must not know who I am. Will try again tomorrow.

Day 4:

Still can't get through to stupid editor on phone. Sent editor an email with novel as a Word 95 attachment. Rent is due next week. If editor doesn't grab this chance and snabble up book today, will have to get a bidding war started.

Day 5:

Email bounced. Some stupid error message about "do not accept email submissions." Can't afford postage to snail mail it, as have already quit job. Called editor again and left message threatening to have lawyer contact them. Rent is still due next week.

Day 6:

Called editor and used Steven King's name. Got through. Told editor was re-sending novel by email and she only had one day to make an offer. Stupid phone disconnected. Could not reach editor again. Rent is still due next week.

Am considering putting the first rights to my novel up on E-Bay.