THE SECRET DIARY OF CLUELESS NEWBIE #107

Day 1:

Woke up and decided to become the greatest writer of science fiction, living or dead. Bought a computer. Had to call pervy manufacturer to get stupid computer to start. Stupid plugs.

Day 2:

Couldn't open writing software. Called pervy manufacturer again. Can't understand why they keep harping about opening windows when it's the middle of winter. Stupid computer people.

Day 3:

Bought a notepad and nice purple pen. People have written books for ages by hand. Will do same. Anyhow it looks cooler, and can use several colors if necessary.

Day 4:

Told friends am writing a book. Am now totally cool.

Day 5:

Went to rockin' party. Took notebook with me. Took notes so can put friends in book too. Will of course put self as lead character who solves mystery and gets hot chicks.

Day 6:

Came up with cool title. "Tar Wars." Should sell millions.

Day 7:

Changed title, as it might be considered racist. Now going with "Star Whores." Sex sells, after all. Plan to write opening line tomorrow.

Day 8:

Wrote opening paragraphs. Totally kick ass!

It was hot. So hot that it was burning them, and everyone, so they changed the color of there skin and became dark skinned, not as dark as people in Africa but darker than the ones in India. They were in the DryLands. This is a dessert like the Gobi except bigger and hotter and dryer. But no camels, because this is on a planet with no animals. Only plants and insects, and the leaves are blue instead of green. And the sky is green instead of blue. Because this is a different planet out in another solar system many many years from now.

They stopped the caravan which is pulled by giant insects with yellow fur and six legs. James, Pat and Muffy got off of the caravan. Pat was hungry and ate some potatoes and venison, and she was five foot four inches tall. James (the man) went over and pushed the urine out of his system onto an abnormally large cactus. He was bigger and fatter than Pat. Muffy is thin with long brown hair.

Then they laid down in the sand under a shade tree and all three of them had sex. Muffy is a hermafrodite type of person and can have sex with everyone. The burly man felt large and happy.